Ghost of You
by Irlanda Anima
Summary: He could not grieve for Vulcan, could not even grieve for his mother...all he could think about was his lost chance and the life ahead without his T'hy'la... A/U from Star Trek XI


**Title:** Ghost of You  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Genre:** angst, alternate universe, character death  
**Spoilers: **Star Trek XI, and brief mentions of incidents from TOS and the other TOS movies.  
**Character/Pairing:** Spock, Spock Prime, Kirk/Spock, Kirk Prime/Spock Prime  
**Number:** 1/2  
**Word Count: **2 225 (as stated in Microsoft Word)  
**Summary: **He felt his heart rage within him, emotions he was unfamiliar with pulsing through his veins, whipping at his control. He could not grieve for Vulcan, could not even grieve for his mother...all he could think about was his lost chance and the life ahead without his _T'hy'la..._**  
Author's Note: **I have no idea where this came from. My mind is deranged and it has hurt poor Spock in the process...as if the poor guy didn't have enough to deal with. I'm taking a very short break from '_Divergence_' as the last chapter has given me grief, but the last part of this and the next par of '_Divergence_' should be up sometime next week.

* * *

_This was not how it was meant to be. _Those were the words that rattled around in Spock's mind long after they were spoken.

Vulcan was gone. His mother was dead. There was estimated to be ten thousand Vulcans left. He was now a member of an endangered species and yet these thoughts meant nothing compared to the words spoken by his alternate self. He could not seem to rid himself of them. They remained an unpleasant hum to his every thought even when he tried to banish them with control and meditation. They were simply there, filling him with a longing and an ache which held no sense of reason and no real basis in the reality that he lived in. They haunted him and he knew, no matter how long he lived or how hard he attempted to ignore and bury them, that they would haunt him forever. It did not matter that it was illogical to long for something he had never and would never have.

_He was meant to define you, help bring you to your potential. Provide something in you that you do not yet realize you are in need of...but now that is impossible._

His hand curled into a fist against his temple without any conscious thought and the usual mask of his control cracked as he squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to keep the emotions at bay. There were so many of them, emotions he was unfamiliar with along with ones he was whipping at the precious little control he still had. They made his heart rage within him, beating out an almost erratic rhythm again his left side.

He'd managed to keep it together until now, but the ship had long since been silent. There were no more crises to distract him, no more reports to give. Everything that had been done was either already taken care of or could not be attended too until they rendezvous with the rest of Starfleet. He knew there would be many questions asked, many of his actions that would need to be explained, but he could not bring himself to think about it.

Though the battle had long since been over, a battle that had began with the destruction of Vulcan and almost ended with their own and Earth's, he could still feel it raging within his own mind. He could not grieve for Vulcan; could not even grieve for his mother, as utterly painful as that loss was. All he could think about was the lost of something he had never had and the life in which he now faced ahead of him without his _t'hy'la_...

***

"_I am Spock," the older Vulcan replied to the startled gasps of the crew around them. _

_Spock found that he wasn't overly surprised as he studied the figure before him. This elder Vulcan – there were far too few of them now, but he shoved the errant thought aside – whom had somehow managed to transport aboard the ship mid-warp along with a sobbing wet Scotsman to then requested an audience with the Captain. Given the current situation and the unexpectedness of another Vulcan after the destruction of their homeworld, they had immediately been brought up to the bridge. Since Nero professed to be from the future, and all the facts at this point showed the logical nature of that conclusion, it only stood to reason that the elder Vulcan's words were true._

_Eyes that were so very similar to his own gazed at him steadily. "I am from your future. One hundred and twenty-two years from now. Nero's coming back in time was an accident, one that I am regretfully at fault for. In my attempt to save the planet Romulus from a supernova, I had created a black hole using a material we call Red Matter. What I could not foresee was the effect it would have on space-time. Nero is a survivor of Romulus who blames me and in turn all Vulcans for the destruction of his world. In his attempt to capture me, both our ships were pulled through the black hole. Nero arrived first and has waited these past twenty-five years for me to arrive so that I might witness his revenge." _

_The bridge was silent a few moments after these words were spoken. The sear ludicrously of such a statement was clear on the faces of almost everyone present, but Spock admitted that it did make sense. A material which had the ability to create something as destructive as a black hole could in fact have been powerful enough to some how rip a hole in the fabric of space time. Given that black holes sucked in everything around them, even time itself, the idea held some merit. However Doctor McCoy didn't seem to think so._

"_That's about the most cock-a-mamy bullshit story I've ever heard," he exclaimed, staring between the two Vulcans as if he suddenly expected one of them to begin laughing hysterically. "Are you trying to tell us that this guy just destroyed an entire planet and annihilated an entire race of people just to get back at you?"_

"_Indeed, Doctor McCoy," the elder Vulcan acknowledge, one eyebrow cocked and though the seriousness of the situation was still very apparent in his tone and eyes, Spock could detect a underlying fondness and amusement directed at the Doctor. "That is exactly what I am saying."_

"_It would seem Nero has then succeeded in his plans," Spock spoke carefully, betraying nothing of what he felt in his expressions or movements. "He created a singularity at the centre of Vulcan which devoured the planet in a matter of minutes and from our analysis of his current trajectory, it appears he plans to do the same to Earth."_

"_He must not be allowed to do so."_

_He felt a mild agitation at his counterpart's words, but it was only evident in the straightening of his back. "I am aware of this; however we are severely out matched against his vessel. The logical course of action at this time is to rendezvous with the rest of Starfleet, to apprise them of the situation and to balance the terms of the next engagement."_

_Spock Prime's brows furled ever so slightly. "Surely by the time you have reached Starfleet it will already be to late for Earth."_

_Spock was almost painfully aware of how still the bridge had become, but there was nothing for it. "Regretfully there is nothing else that can be done at the present to prevent that. Our only hope lies in our ability to reach Starfleet as quickly as possible so that Earth might still be saved."_

_Spock Prime's gaze turned thoughtful, focusing inwards at something that Spock could not see or understand. "Perhaps you are simply not looking at all the available options."_

_Spock could not see how that was possible. The _Narada_ was much larger than the _Enterprise_ and possessed technology they had no hope of combating against. It had exactly 1.6 hours of a head start and even at maximum warp, a speed they were not capable of at the present time due to extensive damage to several of their key systems; they would not reach the Sol system in time to save Earth. _

_Spock Prime's gaze was calculating at this point, watching Spock and the bridge crew with something akin to confusion. He was also examining Spock as if he were some specimen in a science experiment and while he was used to such gazes he did not relish having them directed at his person, especially by someone who claim to, in fact, be himself from another time. _

_The elder Vulcan stepped closer to him, his hands folded behind his back. "You are the Captain of the Enterprise?" The reasoning behind such a question was not exactly clear to him as he had thought that fact was obvious, but he nodded none the less._

"_Captain Pike has been captured by Nero," he explained. "We do not currently know his status though it is believed that he has been killed as this has been the pattern Nero has established thus far. I was promoted to Acting Captain and Lieutenant Sulu is Acting First Officer."_

_Spock Prime's eyes were once again sweeping across the bridge, taking in the many faces he saw there. "Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, Ensign Pavel Chekov, Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu, Lieutenant Commander Montgomery Scott, Doctor Leonard McCoy..." he listed, trailing off towards the end as his eyes once again landed on Spock. "Where is James Kirk?"_

_Silence met the Vulcan's question. Out of the corner of his eye, Spock noted the confused and befuddled looks the crew were throwing at one another in regards to the peculiar question. He himself did not understand the importance of it. _

"_I'm sorry, but I am not familiar with anyone of that name."_

_Spock Prime's eyes grew slightly wide at this, his disbelief displayed so clearly across his features that no member of the bridge crew missed it before it was carefully hidden away. "I do not understand how that could be possible as even with the changes in history, as I understand them to be, you should still have encountered him by this point at Starfleet Academy."_

_Spock searched his memory, wondering as he did so at the strange emotion he could see glowing in his counterpart's eyes. He had more questions than answers at this point, but he knew if his older self was anything like he was now, then the only way to get the answers he required was to give information in return._

"_Perhaps it would help if I had more information. If I merely encountered him in the halls or in class, it is possible I did not deem the encounter worth nothing, however I do not understand what he has to do with the current situation at hand."_

_Spock Prime raised a hand in understanding, though there was a new emotion shinning in those eyes; it looked very much like fear. "I will explain once I have confirmed his whereabouts," he suddenly looked many years older than his age implied, his shoulders sagging slightly with a grief that Spock could not comprehend. "His name is James Tiberius Kirk, born in Iowa in the year twenty-two thirty-three. His mother is Winona and his father George Kirk, as is his elder brother..." Spock Prime trained off and Spock knew that the elder Vulcan had clearly read his suddenly understanding from his features. "What is it that you know?" His voice shook slightly and Spock could not help but feel fearful to give up the information. He somehow sensed that it would harm the older Vulcan and in turn, harm him._

_Taking a breath, Spock began, "The year twenty-two thirty-three was the year in which we've determined Nero to have first come into our timeline. His ship attacked that of the U.S.S Kelvin, taking the Captain hostage before murdering him, leaving George Kirk in command. Their ship badly damaged and with no other possible solution in sight, Kirk proceeded with evacuation procedures and stayed behind on the ship to initiate a collision course which killed him in the process. From reports from other crew members, Winona Kirk went into labour with their second child during the battle, but whether she delivered or not remains a mystery as her shuttle was destroyed in their attempt to escape."_

_If possible, the elder Vulcan deflated even more, his eyes growing dark and he stared back at Spock with such sadness that he felt his heart ache in response, though he did not yet understand why. He was not even sure that he wanted too. _

"_Then...all is lost," the words were spoken softly, but the weight of emotion carried behind them was heard by all. Spock felt Uhura's eyes upon him, but he could not turn to look at her. He was not sure what he would find there. His counterpart's display of emotion was unsettling and Spock felt his control tighten as he attempted to seem as Vulcan as ever before his crew._

"_Excuse me, sir," Sulu asked quietly from his post, gaining the attention of most of the bridge. "If you don't mind me asking, who was he?"_

_Spock Prime sighed. "In my timeline," his voice cracked slightly, "Jim Kirk was Captain of the Enterprise. He was a great man and I was privileged to have had the opportunity to serve with him." His eyes met Spock's once more. "He was brash and sometimes cocky, seemingly unpredictable at times, but he saved this ship and her crew along with countless civilization across the Galaxy many times over. He was loyal and kind, looking passed what was presented to him to find the real truth of the matter." He paused here and his next words carried a weight to them that Spock did not miss. "He was meant to define you, make you better than you are. Provide something in you that you do not yet realize you are in need of...but it is impossible now." He fell silent._

_The whole bridge was silent and Spock felt the weight of everyone's gaze as he felt fear creep into his heart. "Sir?"_

_Spock Prime gazed at him steadily, eyes filled with sadness and remorse. "He was T'hy'la." _

_tbc...  
_


End file.
